I'm so Fucking down, I need a stronger word than Fuck

I'm so Fucking down, I need a stronger word than Fuck.

I'm really sorry I haven't written in a while, for you 0 people who read this... I've been really down. It's  been a hard summer for me. As my brother put it, I stepped into the way of a storm of bad shit that Karma flung out. 

First, my car gets stolen. Two teenage girls come over to ask for a ride to Muldoon. I said "sure" and they said, "where's your car?" I grabbed my keys and ran outside - my car was gone. Just gone! I knew where I had parked it and it just wasn't there. I called the Police and made a report, downloaded the form and filled it out and took it to the Police station. I also called my insurance company and filed a report and claim for the stolen car. It was found 3 weeks later with a stolen license plate on it, a woman driving it who said she bought it from a guy for $500. The thieves had taken off my tires and replaced them with shit ones and a bent rim, my front bumper was replaced with a black one and the sidepanel was black too. They also cannibalized parts from the inside. There was nothing of mine left in the car. When I drove it home, the engine was sputtering and growling, so it was damaged, and when I put it in park the tranny let out a scream I'd never heard before. So I put it in reverse and got another. scream. The insurance company totaled it and cut me a check. I found a car for $1500 with a full set of studded tires. It had some problems but we fixed most of them with what I had left over. 

Then some of the newer teens coming over set some small fires outside at the trash bins. One kid ran in and said something to a kid and ran back out. I asked what was going on and he said "nothing." I should have gotten up and gone to see. Instead I hear about it from a neighbor who took pics of the group. And I got yelled at for it! I didn't tell the kids to do that, I had no idea they were going to. So they haven't been back since. I told the teens that were good to pass along the word that they better never show their faces again or I'd plant my foot up their ass so far they'd choke on my toes. I was now officially the women who lets bad kids come over.

I went to the Neurologist for my constant headaches again and he told me they were at their wits end for medications for me, except for the new treatment, Botox shots. I was terrified! But he talked me into it - the amount is just a bit less than a teaspoon, spread out across the forehead, in the neck and shoulder muscles and in the temples. When I went back for the shots, I started to back out but he talked me into trying it again. I had him get a nurse so I could hold hands. The ones in the temple made me shriek! They really hurt. And while I'm waking up without headaches right now, which is wonderful, the headaches build up during the day until they're excruciating. I've had one so bad I was hallucinating and i knew it, but I couldn't stop it. It scared the bejeebers out of me. It lasted several hours until my alarm went off at 10am. Luckily I had the day to recover but couldn't write.

 

Three weeks ago I ran to the store and managed to rush about in my avoid-the-crowds way, and when I got home, I dropped my wallet in one of the bags so I could carry the four bags and my wallet in both hands, keeping my keys out to unlock my door.. Well, my wallet must have fallen out near the car and I didn't see it. Inside I put away my things and didn't think about the wallet not being there until the next day when I went to pay a bill. I frantically looked everywhere for it, including in my car, but it was gone. My bank card, my new driver's license, my Amazon card - all of it. I called the bank first and got the card shut off and went to get a new one. Problem was, my HOUSE KEY was in the wallet, a spare if I ever locked myself out!

The next day I had 3 appointments back to back so I went, sans Drivers License, hoping I wouldn't get pulled over for any reason. I drove carefully! I saw my Therapist, my Psychiatrist and my Neurologist for the shots I talked about. And when I got home, there was my cat, pawing at the door to get in! I was flabbergasted! How did she get out? I didn't let her, so I went inside. Fist thing I saw was the koolaid jug lying empty on the floor, smashed open and puddles of koolaid everywhere. I had been burglarized, I realized, so I called the police and they sent an officer out. I discovered they took my camera too, the rotten buggers, and all the packets of koolaid except one, which no one but a good kid named Isaiah liked. I bought that packet especially for him. But the dumb shits didn't think about stealing any of my sugar! The officer took pictures of the places where the items had been, didn't dust for prints because the cabinet was covered with prints of all sorts of people. We both doubted this would be solved. A couple days later, I discovered they took my penny jar with about $15 in it, and my whole tool kit from under the kitchen sink. All my tools, some which a friend gave me when she moved out of state, the rest I've had ever since I got divorced. So I have NO tools and no money to get any. And rather go out the front door like they had arrived, they busted out my screen and got out that way. That's how my cat got out. It took me 2 hours to catch the cat when she jumped out the window again, for me to discover the screen wasn't in it. I got it back in so she can't escape anymore.

And then the hooligans got into my car! Seems I also had the spare car key and fob in my wallet too, and they got into my trunk. My fob went off that day and I didn't realize why until an hour later and ran outside to see. The thieves had gotten into my emergency supplies, took my hunting knife and all the cracker sandwiches I had in them for a little food. I went and got the signal changed on my fob and got a steering wheel to brake lock for the car so they can't steal the car. They can get in but it hooks around the steering wheel and again around the brake arm so they can't depress the brake peddle to put it in reverse. But what a pain, having to lock and  unlock it all the time!

So now I hoped all the bad stuff was behind and began to work on editing again. I actually got quite a ways when I had a doctor's appointment. She sent me to the lab for blood and urine work ups, the results would be phoned to me in a couple days. In that couple days I went to the vein clinic because my right foot is swelling up and no one in my regular doc's office can say why. I had tests done, for my heart and to check for clots and blood flow in the veins. The Dr. had just left the room after telling me my blood flow to both legs was poor, and it was deep inside my legs. They can't do anything for that, exercise won't help, no surgery for it, nothing. And then I have something called Lymphedema in my right leg, where the lymph nodes aren't doing their job. Google it - it's incurable and serious. And I have to wear support hose   for 3 months total before Medicare and Medicaid will let the doc move on to the next phase. Luckily I was wearing some already, but they pinched at the knee and hurt, so I ordered thigh high ones. Well, they won't stay on my thighs, they roll down to the knee where they hurt really bad. While I was waiting in the dr. office for the nurse, I got a call from my dr. office: I'm Pre-Diabetic and my Cholesterol is high, 125 when it should be under 100. The Dietitian called today, I see her Thursday to discuss food. Well, I've researched and with my many food allergies and not enough money to buy food that's fresh every week, there's nothing I can do to change my way of eating. I rarely eat sugar, I only have butter on occasion, I don't eat the fat on meats, my main meat is chicken and ground beef because I can't afford anything else. We'll see what I walk away with Thursday. I'm not giving up anything I eat! I have a small enough diet that I can't afford to lose anything.

So there's what my luck has been the last few days. Summer has sucked big time; the only good thing that has happened is I finished the first draft of my newest novel, temporarily called "I Went to Nursing School... Where?"  I sent it off to the lady it's being written for, to read thru it and she hasn't contacted me yet. I need to email her and ask, I'll do that tomorrow morning. Right now I want to get back to editing and get lost in Landa's world for a while. That will help me feel better.

So I hope none of you has gotten in the way of the shit fling. I hope that all that has come your way is good, and if little things happen, that you can solve them quick.

All my love and HUGS!

Taborri

P.S, How do you like the new cover for Earth Maid: The Thread is Found (book 1)? I think it is really awesome! I'd love to hear your comments!

I'm Still Here 

Sorry for being gone so long. Things haven't been easy around here... I've had computer problems, I really need to take this thing in to Best Buy and let the Geek Squad guys work on it, but I managed to get it back to smooth working on my own. Still needs work but it will have to wait and see if I have money left over from the Alaska PFD we're getting in a few days. (It's a check from the profits of oil we sell here in Alaska. We're the only state with a PFD.)

Stress is too calm a word to use for my life lately. After getting my car stolen and recovered, totaled by the insurance company and i got another car, some teenagers I let in my house for koolaid and to chill out and talk or watch a movie in the bedroom started setting little fires out back near the garbage bin. A neighbor came over and blamed ME, as if I had told them to. She had pictures of them on her camera, so she agreed to come over (we set a day) and I'd download them to my computer so I could ID them to the Police, but she never came over. Anyway, I told all the teens who came to visit after that to spread the word, the arsonists were banned. They've never been back, and the number of kids coming over slowed drastically. Then I dropped my wallet, probably outside in the dark where I park my car and it was picked up. Instead of bringing it back to me, they used it. Some money, my spare car key and fob and my HOUSE spare key.

Damn, the little shits let themselves in and burglarized the place. They stole all the koolaid packets I'd just bought for them (28 total), the tool kit except for the vice grips pliers, so ALL my tools are gone, my screwdrivers, pliers, hammers, knife, etc, I let them use the tool kit to fix their bikes, and stole my camera. They took the Arizona tea jug with some Koolaid left in it and put it on the floor and smashed it open, spreading a pool of it all over the floor. (At least they were too stupid to steal a 10 pound bag of sugar!). Five days later I went to put my pennies in my glass jar and found it was gone - $15 of pennies, my clear strapping tape and now I forget the last thing. I ckd my movies and it seems they are all there. So we know it was teenagers doing it, taking what they wanted and leaving the rest. I on the other hand, have to replace every single card and am still doing that. Lucky it's just the little things now. - Oh, they took all my colored sharpies that were in a gallon bag, that is what they stole too. So the owner, when replacing the doorknob that night, said "all the teens can't come over anymore. They make too much trouble." I spent a lot of tears telling the good teens that they were also being punished for the acts of others. Two of them hugged me when I started crying - these were the good ones! And I can't see them anymore.

And that's not all. My health is unsteady again. My headaches are so bad, and the only course left to the Neurologist was the Botox injections. I was so scared but I went, then was so terrified I told the doc forget it, but he gently eased me into trying it. He found a nurse and I held his hand, and damn it hurt! I squeezed and squealed and yelled when he did the temples. But it's working some. Tonight I have a massive headache, but it's been almost a week since I got the shots and will do more in January. I'm taking my case manager to hold his hand the next time. Four five days I have had no headache when I woke up, a record! And only tiny headaches until tonight. And my R foot and ankle is swollen, so the Heart Institute did and Echocardiogram and my heart is fine, and a sonogram for clots and venous flow. No clots, but I'm getting insufficient blood flow to the foot, so I go to the Vein clinic on Friday. Tomorrow I see my regular doc for a diabetes and cholesterol check, give her my 5 Wishes for Dying papers and get my blood drawn. There are some other things I'm going to talk to her about too. But I won't go into those. I'm just terrified that I'll have the big D now, cuz all the members of my family have had it, so far I've dodged the bullet and hope I will again. We'll see.

So after this week, I'm hoping things calm down. I have a car steering wheel car lock in my car so it would take a lot to steal this car now, it locks the brakes and steering wheel together. No depressing the brakes to put the car into gear. I got the frequency on the fob changed so the other one won't work. The company I went to did it for free after hearing the story, the boss was so pissed about it. I was very thankful and will send business their way. 

Now I'm really in solitary confinement; no teens come over, only 1 neighbor here speaks to me more than 4 words. I do have my 1x a week volunteer work and it was nice and quiet tonight. I even stayed an extra hour and a half to sit with Crystine while she did phoning and I crocheted. We kept being interrupted tho, it was like a sign saying "NO phoning tonight" cuz in all that 90 minutes she only got 40 out of 60 minutes done. Other than occasional trips out, I'm alone. Right now I'm okay, no loneliness has set in.

So summer was more a trial till now. I'm still under a shit cack load of stress, which ain't helping my physical health much any, I'm not eating much but starting to gain a little more weight, which is a horror to my mental health. I'm either cold all the time or hot; I've long been done with menopause so what this is I don't know. Will ask the doc tomorrow. I'm just hoping after this week things will start to improve; at least, have answers and be able to start improving.

Next time I get on I have another writing story to tell and again, it's not pretty. I must write about it, it something to get out and off my chest to you, who will read it (maybe, no one's read anything yet, I think) but it will be good to get out. And it's vital to my writing history.

I love you all, and here's more HUGS

Yours, 

Taborri