A new year, a tough subject
2017 is starting out a bit rough; more health issues to deal with in these first 2 weeks. Botox shots for my headaches again - a very painful treatment, I'll have to hold a nurse's hand to squeeze when the pain gets too much. Another shot for my Left knee, then a wait for 3 months to get more shots in my hips and knees. More docs after that for other things I don't wanna talk about - yet, it's not necessary. But all-in-all, the year could have started worse. It's just more of the same old, same old.
The writing subject I want to talk about is something most people cringe from. They barely survived it in their marriage, for the most part, they didn't talk to their kids about it so their kids learned about it off the street and from friends, from porn magazines and from older sibs or dirty movies. Men want it often, one study claims every 17 seconds it's thought about. Women from a generation ago - and even now - don't want it so much. Many fight against it, deny their partners any and use toys to satisfy themselves. Partners fight about it and then they have make up time. Many people crave it and can't get enough. A lot of men force it on women in the name of power and control, not what it truly is. They take it from its pure form and pervert it, murder over it and won't stop until caught. You've probably guessed what the subject is by now and you're right.
I've put sex in almost all my books. Mostly good, some bad, especially in the Earth Maid series. The first book contains some very gritty parts, and some very good parts. Let me explain.
In my first book, Landa is alone, no one around her, and that's how she likes it. She does have contact with people in her jobs; she is a con artist first, reading people's aura's in a swirl of gauzy clothing and makeup, fake moves and semi-spiritualistic words, but in fact she is using trace amounts of magick to actually cleanse the auras of her clients. Next she is a recycling company, picking up the trash to recycle that her other clients do not have the time or effort to turn in themselves. And most of her clients like her, although she keeps them at bay to a certain extent. But in her mind, Landa is alone.
This is because of a bad past, a horrific childhood. Landa is the last of the line of magickal users on the Earth, the Common Plane. Evil has tried to kill her since the day she was born; barring that, it was as violent on her as it could be. She was raped repeatedly, beaten, emotionally abused and violated in every way it could be thought of. When she turned 12, she attempted suicide and was hospitalized, then placed in a mental hospital where abuse continued. But her memories were also blocked, with medications and hypnosis. The result, when she was released, was a very intelligent, angry young teen who hated everyone. She completed school and 1 year of college by 16 years old, had saved a $1000 dollars from her part-time job and was emancipated. From which she ran away from the city and never looked back.
So when she met Paul, she had no concept of sex with him. He was her doctor at first, then a nice guy come to visit who proposed to "court" her. But she still didn't think about sex. So Aunt Elsa took a hand in it. She opened up Landa's memories one night and went to bed in her room to wait the results (she had a brief glimpse into Landa's past - the book explains how). But it was far worse than she knew and Landa began to suffer the emotional horrors of her past attacking her mind. Paul was there to help her through most of her Repressed Memory Recalls (RMR's), and eventually a day came when Landa asked Paul to teach her about good sex.
Now, I could have sweet-talked my way through this, but why? Sex is a natural, good thing to do. I know, because after a vile childhood with horrible experiences, after a marriage filled with abuse, I allowed myself some freedom. And I discovered sex is a most wonderful experience! So I had many of them and learned all sorts of things on how a woman can be pleasured, and how a woman can pleasure a man and still have hard limits. (hard limits are absolute no-no's, will NOT do). I have a few of those and would explain them first, and if accepted, the fun began.
So I decided in my stories, there would be an abused character (Earth Maid series) and she would have to recover from her abuse with the help and love of several characters. It started with Aunt Elsa and Paul, and gained more people and Beings from there. And the sex would be written out, so people could experience the beauty of what Landa was experiencing. Sex in it's pure form, meant solely for love. Of course, she got pregnant because they didn't always use protection, and Paul as a doctor should have thought of that but he didn't.
That too is a problem with couples. A lot of times people shack up and use that as an excuse to forego any childbirth control. And of course the outcome is a pregnancy, often really unwanted but put up with because it's the "thing" to do. The kids suffer as they grow, with unprepared parents, parents who imitate what their parents did, which was abusive, or parents who have to work 2 or 3 jobs and simply have no time to give to the children. Who grow up wrong, usually. It's sad that we don't have universal birth control from age 15 on, both genders, mandatory parenting classes and common sense classes, and What to expect from children classes. That way kids would be ready when they WANT to have a child. Landa didn't want to have a child, but with Paul's love and thrill, and they talk about it, she comes to accept the forming fetus and will welcome it when born. Too bad that doesn't happen in most pregnancies. Oh, after a bit as the belly expands, Mama gets somewhat excited, there's a party, the baby finally comes and everyone ooohs and aahhs over the new wee bit. But then the newness wears off and the abuse and neglect moves in, for too many children. Sex gone wrong.
But in my books, sex remains a wonderful thing for Landa, even when things start to go wrong. When she and Paul start arguing in book 2, it is because of problems they cannot control. So Landa runs away, but she still loves and misses her man. There's not a lot of sex in book 2 because of the pregnancy - Landa turns out to have a fragile pregnancy - so sex isn't a big deal there. And in book 4, there is no sex at all if I remember correctly because of what happens in that book. No sex when you're 3/4ths dead. The rest of the books have sex in them, and I'm proud of that. I like showing that Landa and Paul love sex and they work to keep it fresh and sprightly and as new as they can. Book 8, I noticed as I edited it, actually has quite a bit of sex in it, including trust exercises and a bit of experimentation. Landa has to truly trust Paul, and since she loves him so much, she does. And the sex is WOW!!
Why shouldn't sex be WOW!! Why shouldn't you read about a WOW!! sex act in a book? Why not have an erotic book and it be enjoyed by all? Sex is a natural function, as I've said. If you're religious, and you believe your god created your body, then WHY did he put all those nerve endings in the genitals of both genders? And don't give the old "multiply" bit. We are NOT animals who have heats and only have sex then to get pregnant. People can have sex at any time, most anywhere, and not get pregnant. The Catholic Church started the "fun sex is bad" movement, and the "no birth control" movement (listen to Monty Python's Every Sperm is Sacred song for a good laugh on the Catholic Church's beliefs) so they could control the population. And other churches picked it up and spread it too. What a terrible thing to do to people, what a perversion of a natural function! So I fight against it, by writing about sex in my books.
And I hope you come to enjoy reading it, and decide to try some of the techniques on your partner. All routines are real, garnered from the Kama Sutra, the book of love, or Cosmo, the magazine with its section of sexual treats to try, or videos made to improve the love life of couples. I did a lot of research on those sexual scenes, then added my own descriptions and emotions in it. My beta readers all enjoyed the books, so they must have enjoyed the sex scenes. Only one person didn't focus on the stories but on the english errors I made! That's ok, that was her job. And I love her for it.
So give the books a try. Book 8 is almost ready for publication; I'm waiting for the cover work and one more edit to line up the paragraphs. There were still a few out of whack. Just a few but I have to go thru the whole book to find them again. Let yourself sink into the story, shudder over the abuse and be glad when friends help her through it. Let yourself feel Landa's happiness when she first learns how good sex can be. I bet you'll like it.
The best to all of you in this new year and may your sex life be revived, if it needs it!