I'm Still Here 

Sorry for being gone so long. Things haven't been easy around here... I've had computer problems, I really need to take this thing in to Best Buy and let the Geek Squad guys work on it, but I managed to get it back to smooth working on my own. Still needs work but it will have to wait and see if I have money left over from the Alaska PFD we're getting in a few days. (It's a check from the profits of oil we sell here in Alaska. We're the only state with a PFD.)

Stress is too calm a word to use for my life lately. After getting my car stolen and recovered, totaled by the insurance company and i got another car, some teenagers I let in my house for koolaid and to chill out and talk or watch a movie in the bedroom started setting little fires out back near the garbage bin. A neighbor came over and blamed ME, as if I had told them to. She had pictures of them on her camera, so she agreed to come over (we set a day) and I'd download them to my computer so I could ID them to the Police, but she never came over. Anyway, I told all the teens who came to visit after that to spread the word, the arsonists were banned. They've never been back, and the number of kids coming over slowed drastically. Then I dropped my wallet, probably outside in the dark where I park my car and it was picked up. Instead of bringing it back to me, they used it. Some money, my spare car key and fob and my HOUSE spare key.

Damn, the little shits let themselves in and burglarized the place. They stole all the koolaid packets I'd just bought for them (28 total), the tool kit except for the vice grips pliers, so ALL my tools are gone, my screwdrivers, pliers, hammers, knife, etc, I let them use the tool kit to fix their bikes, and stole my camera. They took the Arizona tea jug with some Koolaid left in it and put it on the floor and smashed it open, spreading a pool of it all over the floor. (At least they were too stupid to steal a 10 pound bag of sugar!). Five days later I went to put my pennies in my glass jar and found it was gone - $15 of pennies, my clear strapping tape and now I forget the last thing. I ckd my movies and it seems they are all there. So we know it was teenagers doing it, taking what they wanted and leaving the rest. I on the other hand, have to replace every single card and am still doing that. Lucky it's just the little things now. - Oh, they took all my colored sharpies that were in a gallon bag, that is what they stole too. So the owner, when replacing the doorknob that night, said "all the teens can't come over anymore. They make too much trouble." I spent a lot of tears telling the good teens that they were also being punished for the acts of others. Two of them hugged me when I started crying - these were the good ones! And I can't see them anymore.

And that's not all. My health is unsteady again. My headaches are so bad, and the only course left to the Neurologist was the Botox injections. I was so scared but I went, then was so terrified I told the doc forget it, but he gently eased me into trying it. He found a nurse and I held his hand, and damn it hurt! I squeezed and squealed and yelled when he did the temples. But it's working some. Tonight I have a massive headache, but it's been almost a week since I got the shots and will do more in January. I'm taking my case manager to hold his hand the next time. Four five days I have had no headache when I woke up, a record! And only tiny headaches until tonight. And my R foot and ankle is swollen, so the Heart Institute did and Echocardiogram and my heart is fine, and a sonogram for clots and venous flow. No clots, but I'm getting insufficient blood flow to the foot, so I go to the Vein clinic on Friday. Tomorrow I see my regular doc for a diabetes and cholesterol check, give her my 5 Wishes for Dying papers and get my blood drawn. There are some other things I'm going to talk to her about too. But I won't go into those. I'm just terrified that I'll have the big D now, cuz all the members of my family have had it, so far I've dodged the bullet and hope I will again. We'll see.

So after this week, I'm hoping things calm down. I have a car steering wheel car lock in my car so it would take a lot to steal this car now, it locks the brakes and steering wheel together. No depressing the brakes to put the car into gear. I got the frequency on the fob changed so the other one won't work. The company I went to did it for free after hearing the story, the boss was so pissed about it. I was very thankful and will send business their way. 

Now I'm really in solitary confinement; no teens come over, only 1 neighbor here speaks to me more than 4 words. I do have my 1x a week volunteer work and it was nice and quiet tonight. I even stayed an extra hour and a half to sit with Crystine while she did phoning and I crocheted. We kept being interrupted tho, it was like a sign saying "NO phoning tonight" cuz in all that 90 minutes she only got 40 out of 60 minutes done. Other than occasional trips out, I'm alone. Right now I'm okay, no loneliness has set in.

So summer was more a trial till now. I'm still under a shit cack load of stress, which ain't helping my physical health much any, I'm not eating much but starting to gain a little more weight, which is a horror to my mental health. I'm either cold all the time or hot; I've long been done with menopause so what this is I don't know. Will ask the doc tomorrow. I'm just hoping after this week things will start to improve; at least, have answers and be able to start improving.

Next time I get on I have another writing story to tell and again, it's not pretty. I must write about it, it something to get out and off my chest to you, who will read it (maybe, no one's read anything yet, I think) but it will be good to get out. And it's vital to my writing history.

I love you all, and here's more HUGS

Yours, 

Taborri